I'm sorry. [ kind of immediately after that. there's the sound of a breath like he's going to continue, but no, actually, he shuts up and leaves that to hang just to see if tobari shuts it down entirely again or not. ]
Yeah, no, I get it. [ ... ] ... if I'm being completely honest, I've kinda known how I've felt about him for months. And I didn't want to think about it because I'm not gay, and I didn't want to be, and especially not when he was leaving in the spring anyway. And instead, ever since we got here, the maze keeps finding ways to make me think about it, and now I kinda know why.
[ sometimes you decide because a dude is your eurydice that's why you keep seeing him everywhere and not because you're mildly insane about him. ]
I know even if he doesn't feel the same way, he wouldn't stop being my best friend. But I also keep thinking about how things went with somebody else and it's just... stupid. All of it. Why am I even telling you this?
[ tobari please don't be lost in bostco. please hang up to find your way out. ]
Thanks. [ he knows his manners enough at least to say this since they have both agreed this is not really a normal situation. ] I guess... maybe it's a little easier to tell a stranger than someone who's probably been listening to me make an ass of myself for weeks. At least you get it all in one shot. ... usually Yu's the one who listens when I go on like this, and obviously I can't do that right now. I know there are probably other people who would listen, but the thing is that everybody has so much going on all the time. This feels really big to me, but it's insignificant to everybody else so it felt pointless.
I know that the more I get to know you, too, I'll probably feel the same way. And I think that's okay.
[ it's okay he's learning so much while he's here... you can buy in bulk...? that's crazy... there's medicine just hanging out....? holy shit..... ]
... I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as it feels big to you, that should be what matters. [ tobari really laid into yosuke when they first started but it was because he had a feeling there was a lot to it. ]
Even if I've got things going on, you can call me.
[ says it, at least, to ward off some of that hesitation in the future ]
I appreciate that, but you have to at least let me return the favor somehow. Whatever that looks like to you. [ it's hard to simply accept kindness without actually doing something in response. ]
And maybe that is what matters, but you also literally just said you kissed a guy on your first day here like it was a completely average thing people just do without thought. [ which is to say that it feels big to him but he also feels mildly crazy that it does when nobody else does. ]
... just tell me about your home. What I saw in your memory... I haven't seen things like it before. Rushing water. Greenery.
[ and he can't deny his curiosity about it all. that's the easiest form of repayment, he thinks, when he knows he's cagey about himself and also doesn't think it's right to trauma dump on a teenager ]
I also think kissing a stranger is whatever, so my metric is broken. That's part of growing up in a place where we sell love and lust as a service. [ he will be the first to tell yosuke this ] But that's part of it. Everyone grows up in different circumstances, and it informs their sense of what's normal and not. Theirs is just different from yours.
[ he's really still out here thinking about the irony of tobari showing up during this week, specifically. ]
I guess that'd make sense, yeah. When you put it that way maybe there is no real sense of normal, but you just kinda... you know. Figure it out. And you did say you've seen a lot, so...
[ so he could believe that tobari's metric is broken and that all of this is just another tuesday. but the fact he's never seen nature sticks out to him. ]
Really though? Never? [ then again, with where he grew up maybe that tracks. ] I mean I wasn't really around it so much until we moved a year and a half ago, but that's Inaba for you. A small town near the mountains with nothing to do but a pretty decent view. There's a lot of farmland around the outskirts of town, and the mountains aren't too far behind us. What you saw was actually our school camping trip up there. The trip kinda sucked for a lot of reasons, but I don't mind it so much now, looking back.
I should show you some pictures of the flood plain sometime, too. It's a river that runs along town, and the grass is always green and all kinds of wildflowers bloom there. It's kinda pretty during the spring and summer months.
[ tobari also thinks it's ironic that he showed up this week. lust... he's not even that horny, it really is just the most fitting sin for him. ]
... Itehari's a country in the sky. Has been for hundreds of years. It's got its problems that I don't feel like getting into—but you're basically treated like a heretic if you ever mention you want to leave.
I've always wanted to see the surface, though.
I don't know half of what you've described. I've heard of flower fields. River... Mountains... Flood plains? [ it's all pretty distant to him. he repeats the words in an echo rather than understanding ] It's hard for me to imagine.
[ okay. he's not a genius when it comes to geography, but he definitely hears "country in the sky" and then "the surface" and has such a confused understanding of where the hell this place is. ]
... so like... in the clouds. [ just so he understands this a little more. ] And because it's been so long, people are more resistant to change. Even though change really isn't a bad thing.
[ he says this so easily about literally everything except seemingly abnormal changes about himself. there's a pause then. ]
It's not the same, but if you wanted... I mean if you had time and actually wanted to see it, I could probably show you? There's that simulator place, I've been playing around with it and I think I've got a better handle on it.
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I'm trying to figure out the, uh, extent of the romance here, dude.
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If it's not, and you feel like saying something about it, then it's important enough that someone you call your best friend should be understanding.
[ . . . ]
Saying how much you care about someone can save them in ways you never thought, even if they can't answer you right away.
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Speaking from experience?
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[ and he can admit to this much, because yosuke has also given him a lot of honesty ]
... even if I couldn't say anything back due to other circumstances, I really was glad she told me.
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Do you still get to talk to her? [ he's vaguely horrified by the thought something might have happened to this girl. ]
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... No.
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I'm sorry. [ kind of immediately after that. there's the sound of a breath like he's going to continue, but no, actually, he shuts up and leaves that to hang just to see if tobari shuts it down entirely again or not. ]
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[ so it's an apology he won't accept again ]
The sentiment is appreciated though. [ a beat ] So maybe that's why I'm a little pushy about you at least giving it a try.
Even if it doesn't work out perfectly, that doesn't mean it's not worth something.
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Yeah, no, I get it. [ ... ] ... if I'm being completely honest, I've kinda known how I've felt about him for months. And I didn't want to think about it because I'm not gay, and I didn't want to be, and especially not when he was leaving in the spring anyway. And instead, ever since we got here, the maze keeps finding ways to make me think about it, and now I kinda know why.
[ sometimes you decide because a dude is your eurydice that's why you keep seeing him everywhere and not because you're mildly insane about him. ]
I know even if he doesn't feel the same way, he wouldn't stop being my best friend. But I also keep thinking about how things went with somebody else and it's just... stupid. All of it. Why am I even telling you this?
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[ why IS he telling tobari all of this? ]
... but I'm listening. [ he's not hanging up even as he's literally lost in bostco ] So you can keep talking, if you want.
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Thanks. [ he knows his manners enough at least to say this since they have both agreed this is not really a normal situation. ] I guess... maybe it's a little easier to tell a stranger than someone who's probably been listening to me make an ass of myself for weeks. At least you get it all in one shot. ... usually Yu's the one who listens when I go on like this, and obviously I can't do that right now. I know there are probably other people who would listen, but the thing is that everybody has so much going on all the time. This feels really big to me, but it's insignificant to everybody else so it felt pointless.
I know that the more I get to know you, too, I'll probably feel the same way. And I think that's okay.
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... I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as it feels big to you, that should be what matters. [ tobari really laid into yosuke when they first started but it was because he had a feeling there was a lot to it. ]
Even if I've got things going on, you can call me.
[ says it, at least, to ward off some of that hesitation in the future ]
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I appreciate that, but you have to at least let me return the favor somehow. Whatever that looks like to you. [ it's hard to simply accept kindness without actually doing something in response. ]
And maybe that is what matters, but you also literally just said you kissed a guy on your first day here like it was a completely average thing people just do without thought. [ which is to say that it feels big to him but he also feels mildly crazy that it does when nobody else does. ]
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[ and he can't deny his curiosity about it all. that's the easiest form of repayment, he thinks, when he knows he's cagey about himself and also doesn't think it's right to trauma dump on a teenager ]
I also think kissing a stranger is whatever, so my metric is broken. That's part of growing up in a place where we sell love and lust as a service. [ he will be the first to tell yosuke this ] But that's part of it. Everyone grows up in different circumstances, and it informs their sense of what's normal and not. Theirs is just different from yours.
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I guess that'd make sense, yeah. When you put it that way maybe there is no real sense of normal, but you just kinda... you know. Figure it out. And you did say you've seen a lot, so...
[ so he could believe that tobari's metric is broken and that all of this is just another tuesday. but the fact he's never seen nature sticks out to him. ]
Really though? Never? [ then again, with where he grew up maybe that tracks. ] I mean I wasn't really around it so much until we moved a year and a half ago, but that's Inaba for you. A small town near the mountains with nothing to do but a pretty decent view. There's a lot of farmland around the outskirts of town, and the mountains aren't too far behind us. What you saw was actually our school camping trip up there. The trip kinda sucked for a lot of reasons, but I don't mind it so much now, looking back.
I should show you some pictures of the flood plain sometime, too. It's a river that runs along town, and the grass is always green and all kinds of wildflowers bloom there. It's kinda pretty during the spring and summer months.
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... Itehari's a country in the sky. Has been for hundreds of years. It's got its problems that I don't feel like getting into—but you're basically treated like a heretic if you ever mention you want to leave.
I've always wanted to see the surface, though.
I don't know half of what you've described. I've heard of flower fields. River... Mountains... Flood plains? [ it's all pretty distant to him. he repeats the words in an echo rather than understanding ] It's hard for me to imagine.
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... so like... in the clouds. [ just so he understands this a little more. ] And because it's been so long, people are more resistant to change. Even though change really isn't a bad thing.
[ he says this so easily about literally everything except seemingly abnormal changes about himself. there's a pause then. ]
It's not the same, but if you wanted... I mean if you had time and actually wanted to see it, I could probably show you? There's that simulator place, I've been playing around with it and I think I've got a better handle on it.
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[ most certainly is not.
but tobari tilts his head, thoughtful, even though this is voice and he's looking at a package that houses five whole frozen pizzas ]
... I'm not against it.
[ he would want to see it... ]
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I don't know if I'd call it that if it was made to be that way, but what do I know?
[ hope he gets the 10 pound bag of chicken wings to go with them, but yosuke has no idea tobari is lostco in bostco, so he hums an agreement. ]
Whenever you're free then. Not like I have any plans anytime soon. [ on account of currently being at purrfect penance hiding in his room. ]
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Do you want snacks?
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I'd never say no to snacks. [ hold on. ] Wait, where are you?
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This place is crazy.
[ THERE'S SO MUCH STUFF ]
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You're taking my life crisis call in the middle of Bostco?
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[ he passes by a box that sells 7 water pitchers and finds himself pausing, wondering if he can find a use for 7 water pitchers ]
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You could've? Not like I wouldn't have understood.
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