assigns tobari literally standing in the middle of bostco on the compact phone with this teenager that he's adopting as his little brother talk about his gay spiral so he can just 🧍♂️ ]
[ how does someone sound both absolutely exhausted and mildly affectionate at once. you stupid fuck (brotherly) ]
Let's start with this: even if you break up with someone, you can still be friends. Might be awkward and tough at first, but it's doable. If someone's meant to be in your life, they will be.
You keep setting things up to be the end of the world, but you already took one step and everything's fine.
The next ones are up to you. No one's making you confess and no one's making you rush into things. But even if you do, that doesn't mean it's all over. Your friends are your friends. They're not all gonna up and leave over relationship drama.
No, but... [ he's this close to saying it's different but he realizes that's kind of a shitty viewing of his friends. ] ... you saw the stupid camping trip, everybody kinda has a very specific idea of who I am. A very specific not-into-guys idea. It's going to change things and I don't know how.
... also the chances of Yu finding someone better are higher. I don't know if I could do it after we broke up. [ so not only is he afraid of being outright rejected anyway, there's also having to fight the entire world for yu's attention even if they break up. ]
What are you—16? 17? [ assigns yosuke as slightly older than his own younger sister ] You probably don't know a lot of things right now.
[ about if he could be friends with yu after they broke up, about what his friends would think about him ]
You're even jumping to the conclusion that it won't work out. Have you considered for five seconds that everything could go right? Or, more realistically—like any other relationship, it'll be sometimes awkward, sometimes the best thing you've ever felt, sometimes really rough, and sometimes kind of just a normal day?
[ judging by the extremely long silence, no. no he has not considered for five seconds that everything could go right, why would he consider that? the man has seen his track record with girls (embarrassing.)
eventually... ]
I'll be 18 in a few months. [ so he at least nailed that part, but. ] Is this going to be a speech about how I have so much of my life to live to be deciding stuff like this?
... have you considered that maybe that means that your friendship can survive anything, and that a couple of romantic feelings don't even compare to the end of the world?
I'm sorry. [ kind of immediately after that. there's the sound of a breath like he's going to continue, but no, actually, he shuts up and leaves that to hang just to see if tobari shuts it down entirely again or not. ]
Yeah, no, I get it. [ ... ] ... if I'm being completely honest, I've kinda known how I've felt about him for months. And I didn't want to think about it because I'm not gay, and I didn't want to be, and especially not when he was leaving in the spring anyway. And instead, ever since we got here, the maze keeps finding ways to make me think about it, and now I kinda know why.
[ sometimes you decide because a dude is your eurydice that's why you keep seeing him everywhere and not because you're mildly insane about him. ]
I know even if he doesn't feel the same way, he wouldn't stop being my best friend. But I also keep thinking about how things went with somebody else and it's just... stupid. All of it. Why am I even telling you this?
[ tobari please don't be lost in bostco. please hang up to find your way out. ]
Thanks. [ he knows his manners enough at least to say this since they have both agreed this is not really a normal situation. ] I guess... maybe it's a little easier to tell a stranger than someone who's probably been listening to me make an ass of myself for weeks. At least you get it all in one shot. ... usually Yu's the one who listens when I go on like this, and obviously I can't do that right now. I know there are probably other people who would listen, but the thing is that everybody has so much going on all the time. This feels really big to me, but it's insignificant to everybody else so it felt pointless.
I know that the more I get to know you, too, I'll probably feel the same way. And I think that's okay.
[ it's okay he's learning so much while he's here... you can buy in bulk...? that's crazy... there's medicine just hanging out....? holy shit..... ]
... I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as it feels big to you, that should be what matters. [ tobari really laid into yosuke when they first started but it was because he had a feeling there was a lot to it. ]
Even if I've got things going on, you can call me.
[ says it, at least, to ward off some of that hesitation in the future ]
I appreciate that, but you have to at least let me return the favor somehow. Whatever that looks like to you. [ it's hard to simply accept kindness without actually doing something in response. ]
And maybe that is what matters, but you also literally just said you kissed a guy on your first day here like it was a completely average thing people just do without thought. [ which is to say that it feels big to him but he also feels mildly crazy that it does when nobody else does. ]
... just tell me about your home. What I saw in your memory... I haven't seen things like it before. Rushing water. Greenery.
[ and he can't deny his curiosity about it all. that's the easiest form of repayment, he thinks, when he knows he's cagey about himself and also doesn't think it's right to trauma dump on a teenager ]
I also think kissing a stranger is whatever, so my metric is broken. That's part of growing up in a place where we sell love and lust as a service. [ he will be the first to tell yosuke this ] But that's part of it. Everyone grows up in different circumstances, and it informs their sense of what's normal and not. Theirs is just different from yours.
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assigns tobari literally standing in the middle of bostco on the compact phone with this teenager that he's adopting as his little brother talk about his gay spiral so he can just 🧍♂️ ]
... Yosuke. What?
[ JUST. WHAT? ]
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What part of that wasn't clear.
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[ how does someone sound both absolutely exhausted and mildly affectionate at once. you stupid fuck (brotherly) ]
Let's start with this: even if you break up with someone, you can still be friends. Might be awkward and tough at first, but it's doable. If someone's meant to be in your life, they will be.
You keep setting things up to be the end of the world, but you already took one step and everything's fine.
The next ones are up to you. No one's making you confess and no one's making you rush into things. But even if you do, that doesn't mean it's all over. Your friends are your friends. They're not all gonna up and leave over relationship drama.
You wouldn't do that to them either, right?
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... also the chances of Yu finding someone better are higher. I don't know if I could do it after we broke up. [ so not only is he afraid of being outright rejected anyway, there's also having to fight the entire world for yu's attention even if they break up. ]
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[ about if he could be friends with yu after they broke up, about what his friends would think about him ]
You're even jumping to the conclusion that it won't work out. Have you considered for five seconds that everything could go right? Or, more realistically—like any other relationship, it'll be sometimes awkward, sometimes the best thing you've ever felt, sometimes really rough, and sometimes kind of just a normal day?
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eventually... ]
I'll be 18 in a few months. [ so he at least nailed that part, but. ] Is this going to be a speech about how I have so much of my life to live to be deciding stuff like this?
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You also don’t get to decide all of your own life. Your friends and this guy will make choices too.
But you wouldn’t care for them so much if they were a bunch of jackasses, right?
[ RIGHT,? ]
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Right... but... [ but what? ] What if our choices don't match? What then?
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And I'm willing to bet good money it once again won't be the end of the world.
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[ so clearly not being together is the end? ]
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I'm trying to figure out the, uh, extent of the romance here, dude.
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If it's not, and you feel like saying something about it, then it's important enough that someone you call your best friend should be understanding.
[ . . . ]
Saying how much you care about someone can save them in ways you never thought, even if they can't answer you right away.
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Speaking from experience?
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[ and he can admit to this much, because yosuke has also given him a lot of honesty ]
... even if I couldn't say anything back due to other circumstances, I really was glad she told me.
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Do you still get to talk to her? [ he's vaguely horrified by the thought something might have happened to this girl. ]
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... No.
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I'm sorry. [ kind of immediately after that. there's the sound of a breath like he's going to continue, but no, actually, he shuts up and leaves that to hang just to see if tobari shuts it down entirely again or not. ]
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[ so it's an apology he won't accept again ]
The sentiment is appreciated though. [ a beat ] So maybe that's why I'm a little pushy about you at least giving it a try.
Even if it doesn't work out perfectly, that doesn't mean it's not worth something.
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Yeah, no, I get it. [ ... ] ... if I'm being completely honest, I've kinda known how I've felt about him for months. And I didn't want to think about it because I'm not gay, and I didn't want to be, and especially not when he was leaving in the spring anyway. And instead, ever since we got here, the maze keeps finding ways to make me think about it, and now I kinda know why.
[ sometimes you decide because a dude is your eurydice that's why you keep seeing him everywhere and not because you're mildly insane about him. ]
I know even if he doesn't feel the same way, he wouldn't stop being my best friend. But I also keep thinking about how things went with somebody else and it's just... stupid. All of it. Why am I even telling you this?
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[ why IS he telling tobari all of this? ]
... but I'm listening. [ he's not hanging up even as he's literally lost in bostco ] So you can keep talking, if you want.
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Thanks. [ he knows his manners enough at least to say this since they have both agreed this is not really a normal situation. ] I guess... maybe it's a little easier to tell a stranger than someone who's probably been listening to me make an ass of myself for weeks. At least you get it all in one shot. ... usually Yu's the one who listens when I go on like this, and obviously I can't do that right now. I know there are probably other people who would listen, but the thing is that everybody has so much going on all the time. This feels really big to me, but it's insignificant to everybody else so it felt pointless.
I know that the more I get to know you, too, I'll probably feel the same way. And I think that's okay.
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... I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as it feels big to you, that should be what matters. [ tobari really laid into yosuke when they first started but it was because he had a feeling there was a lot to it. ]
Even if I've got things going on, you can call me.
[ says it, at least, to ward off some of that hesitation in the future ]
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I appreciate that, but you have to at least let me return the favor somehow. Whatever that looks like to you. [ it's hard to simply accept kindness without actually doing something in response. ]
And maybe that is what matters, but you also literally just said you kissed a guy on your first day here like it was a completely average thing people just do without thought. [ which is to say that it feels big to him but he also feels mildly crazy that it does when nobody else does. ]
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[ and he can't deny his curiosity about it all. that's the easiest form of repayment, he thinks, when he knows he's cagey about himself and also doesn't think it's right to trauma dump on a teenager ]
I also think kissing a stranger is whatever, so my metric is broken. That's part of growing up in a place where we sell love and lust as a service. [ he will be the first to tell yosuke this ] But that's part of it. Everyone grows up in different circumstances, and it informs their sense of what's normal and not. Theirs is just different from yours.
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