ic inbox.

[tindery]

HELLO

"What do you want?"

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

Comments

[aerodynamic]

I mean it kinda was, but that doesn't change what I said. [ it's also why he didn't walk away because it's rude to do that in the middle of a conversation. ]

You mean all the stuff I said to a complete stranger for no reason? [ ... ] I don't know. Regret's not really the right word.

[tindery]

[ tobari shrugs and doesn't answer the first part because he forgets this is voice and not video. local guy is not used to tech ]

What's your word, then?

[aerodynamic]

[ voice was a strategic choice so tobari can't look at his face and call out his expressions, thank you. ]

Humiliating? [ ... ] It was a lot, and if somebody who doesn't even know me could tell what the hell does that mean for everybody else?

[tindery]

That they probably like you enough to be thoughtful of your feelings.

What’s there to be humiliated about? I’ve kissed guys. A guy kissed me the day I got here.

[ thanks sylus ]

[aerodynamic]

Oh.

[ ... yeah, fair. people have been very nice and probably aware he's delusional, which is also embarrassing. i'm glad sylus continues to be this way. ]

First of all, people are acting weird this week because of what's going on in the maze. [ regarding someone kissing tobari. ] The humiliating part is saying all of it mostly, but also... that I didn't notice.

[ or, rather, he did. realistically he has been aware something's been there since last winter, probably, and chose not to entertain the thought and pretend it wasn't actually real. willful ignorance in the face of their bigger problems. ]

Anyway the mostly humiliating part was saying all of it, so... I'm sorry. That's all. [ he's mad tobari cornered him into this but also he's apologizing because he really did just dump his sexuality crisis on someone he just met and that is (to him) the cringiest thing possible. ]

[tindery]

We weren’t in the maze.

[ SYLUS JUST KISSED HIM FOR THE BOX and tobari kissed him back he’s really just making this point because he doesn’t think kissing dudes is weird

but also

incredulous silence? ]

You’re apologizing to me?

[ TOBARI DIDNT EVEN SAY SORRY ]

[aerodynamic]

What the hell. [ OKAY NEVER MIND, DAMN. he is ignoring the kiss option for the boxes even if i will break his neck myself if he continues to do that. ] Fine, whatever, I get it.

[ you two can think kissing guys is easy. he's going to sit here debating taking the apology back. ]

Don't make it weirder than it already was. But yeah. It wasn't your problem to listen to.

[tindery]

You know this is an insane thing to apologize for?

[ TAKE IT BACK! HE DOESNT WANT IT! ]

If I didn’t want to be there, I would’ve walked away. I also could’ve left at any time.

[aerodynamic]

[ there's a strangled kind of noise like he's trying to argue and gets stuck. ]

I'm just saying! It's not a thing people are expecting and it can suck if you're not, jeez. But fine, forget the apology then.

[tindery]

I will.

[ PLAINLY ]

You didn’t do anything you need to apologize for. I’m a harsh person to talk to, but I don’t waste my time places I don’t want to be.

Feel however you want to feel about it, but it didn’t bother me.

[aerodynamic]

[ reasonably he should hang up on this man but i want to thread. ]

... okay. [ he can maybe accept that, even if he's still thinking about it. ] How are you so casual about it?

[ about yosuke being a mess? about kissing dudes? tobari can interpret this however. ]

[tindery]

[ HELPPP YOSUKE KEEPS GETTING TRAPPED

but honestly? ]

I’ve seen a lot of bullshit.

[ does this answer both questions ]

But you can ask more specific questions if you want.

[ since tobari knows he kind of really slammed into yosuke to stop talking about himself ]

[aerodynamic]

[ thank you, that is in fact helpful. ]

... you said you stayed because you were trying to make things better, basically. Has that been working? [ he's curious how tobari operates mostly, if he's been tackling small things immediately or he's a long-term planner kind of guy. ]

[tindery]

… yes and no.

[ this is vague. he knows it’s vague. he frowns and thinks about what he wants to say ]

Sometimes I don’t know if something will work or get better. There are a lot of things I have problems with that I want changed.

But it bugs me to not try. I can’t ignore people’s suffering, large or small.

[aerodynamic]

[ he's fine with vague because this still tells him what he's trying to gauge. he doesn't know much about that world, being the normal teenager he is, but he can at least sort of resonate with the idea.

"i can't ignore people's suffering, large or small."
"people just think about their own interests, but if i ignore them and say it's none of my business, i won't get anywhere."

what this is actually doing is making him less mad about tobari being the way he is. ]

I get it. Sometimes you have to try even not knowing how it'll go, because it's better than letting things stay the same and knowing they won't improve. [ ... ] Are you doing all of this by yourself though?

[tindery]

[ . . .

there is a long silence here that probably tells a larger story. ]

… I thought I wasn’t.

[ . . . ]

Ah, well. Maybe I’m not the guy to solve much at all. Even still, old habits die hard.

[ with a note of wry, saddened amusement. but nonetheless. ]

My bad if I made anything worse for you. [ the closest he’ll get to apologizing ] Guess I just don’t want to see people make my mistakes.

[aerodynamic]

[ it does. he wants to ask what caused it, if there were people he had that he lost or what may have come to pass that he's now alone, but he's also at least getting the idea he has to be careful with his questions.

still... he's noting it. ]

Even if you do end up not being the guy to solve it, you're the guy who's actually doing something. What's everybody else's excuse?

[ just saying. but... hm. yes. this. he's quiet for a second, and there's a sigh shortly after. ]

Don't worry about that, I'm kind of an expert at making things worse on my own. [ a joke, but still dry. ] I get why you said it and I understand, but... I don't know how to read this one. People have said I need to be honest with myself and I'm trying, but I don't get how to make that part fit.

[tindery]

... sometimes trying comes with a cost.

[ so he doesn't blame anyone who doesn't do anything. it's dangerous and scary and sometimes you aren't ready to pay the price.

but well anyway. ]

... what makes you think it doesn't already fit? [ genuinely wondering ] You're trying, and that's enough. [ his main goal was to get yosuke out of denial and he feels like that's been done ] It's not some new puzzle piece you're introducing. You've had these feelings, you've just been sitting on them. Now you see them, but that doesn't mean they weren't a part of you.

[aerodynamic]

[ hm... he gets that this is a sensitive topic at least even if it opens up a world of new questions. ]

Doesn't change much of what I said. [ trying comes with a cost and at least tobari is doing something. ] But it's a choice either way.

[ he will say that much. ]

It just doesn't fit the image. [ literally what image. ] Anyway, maybe I'm reading these "feelings" wrong. It's not like I've really had a friend like him before, so maybe it's just... making up for that? And then if I told him and it wasn't actually a thing then I kinda ruin everything and there goes my best friend. And breaking up that means ruining my entire friend group, too. Or at least losing all of my friends because they'd side with him and I wouldn't blame them.

[ sometimes you simply overthink anyway. ]

[tindery]

[ . . . ?

assigns tobari literally standing in the middle of bostco on the compact phone with this teenager that he's adopting as his little brother talk about his gay spiral so he can just 🧍‍♂️ ]

... Yosuke. What?

[ JUST. WHAT? ]

[aerodynamic]

[ there's a muffled response because he has thrown his face down into his pillow to scream. ]

What part of that wasn't clear.

[tindery]

For fuck's sake.

[ how does someone sound both absolutely exhausted and mildly affectionate at once. you stupid fuck (brotherly) ]

Let's start with this: even if you break up with someone, you can still be friends. Might be awkward and tough at first, but it's doable. If someone's meant to be in your life, they will be.

You keep setting things up to be the end of the world, but you already took one step and everything's fine.

The next ones are up to you. No one's making you confess and no one's making you rush into things. But even if you do, that doesn't mean it's all over. Your friends are your friends. They're not all gonna up and leave over relationship drama.

You wouldn't do that to them either, right?

[aerodynamic]

No, but... [ he's this close to saying it's different but he realizes that's kind of a shitty viewing of his friends. ] ... you saw the stupid camping trip, everybody kinda has a very specific idea of who I am. A very specific not-into-guys idea. It's going to change things and I don't know how.

... also the chances of Yu finding someone better are higher. I don't know if I could do it after we broke up. [ so not only is he afraid of being outright rejected anyway, there's also having to fight the entire world for yu's attention even if they break up. ]

[tindery]

What are you—16? 17? [ assigns yosuke as slightly older than his own younger sister ] You probably don't know a lot of things right now.

[ about if he could be friends with yu after they broke up, about what his friends would think about him ]

You're even jumping to the conclusion that it won't work out. Have you considered for five seconds that everything could go right? Or, more realistically—like any other relationship, it'll be sometimes awkward, sometimes the best thing you've ever felt, sometimes really rough, and sometimes kind of just a normal day?

[aerodynamic]

[ judging by the extremely long silence, no. no he has not considered for five seconds that everything could go right, why would he consider that? the man has seen his track record with girls (embarrassing.)

eventually... ]

I'll be 18 in a few months. [ so he at least nailed that part, but. ] Is this going to be a speech about how I have so much of my life to live to be deciding stuff like this?